Monday, April 13, 2020

Lessons learned from being “preoccupied with control”


We had invaded territory belonging to lions and leopards and cape buffaloes. The land belonged to them and we had to play by their rules.

In the middle of nowhere in Kenya, Dave and I and about forty other newcomers had just begun our six-week stay in part two of our orientation course, preparing to live and work in Africa. All of us trainees had pitched our tents and a couple of the guys had dug a hole in the ground for our latrine.

The sun would soon set—it always sets around 6 p.m. on the equator—and we had to hurry to get oriented and settled because it wasn’t safe for us to walk around after dark. The animals reigned over a vast swath of earth after nightfall.

The orientation staff handed out plastic containers about the size and shape of a coffee can. “This is your loo,” Jenny said, “your chamber pot. Use it in your tent during the night and, in the morning, empty it and clean it.”

The ramifications of being confined to our tents at night rubbed us the wrong way. Using a chamber pot?!? You’ve gotta be kidding!

We understood the rationale, and even agreed with it—who wants to tangle with a lion or leopard?—but we were taken aback when confronted with our need to change our way of doing things.

Dave and I didn’t have a vehicle. None of the other trainees had a vehicle, either. Only the directors of our orientation, Brian and Jenny, had one, a Toyota Land Cruiser. But the place didn’t have any roads and Dave and I couldn’t have found our way back to civilization even if we did have a car. Life felt a bit out of control.

We Americans are accustomed to having control over much of our lives, day by day, hour by hour. We’ve lived lives with abundant personal freedoms, making our own plans, and expecting to have fun. As a result, when we have constrictions imposed upon us, it’s a shock. We protest anything that interferes with the control we’ve always wielded.

That’s why, during our current coronavirus pandemic, we chafe under our restricted movements. We mutter and complain about following rules imposed upon us. Staying home is an irritation. We grumble about missing birthday parties and Easter church services. We’re annoyed that beaches and parks are closed. And some of us are really grumpy about missing basketball and baseball seasons.

And, just like during our orientation course, we understand the rationale, and even agree with it—who wants to come down with the coronavirus?—but we’ve suddenly had to adjust our way of doing things and to re-shape our expectations. We’ve had to give up control and surrender it to something bigger than ourselves.

We experience that in our spiritual lives, too. We’re trained, by both our culture and our churches, that our lives are our own and we get to make plans, set the rules, choose the fun and when to have it. Yes, even our churches too often give us the message that we humans are in control, the masters of our own fate.  

But wait. God’s best for us doesn’t look like that. The Bible says that all things—that includes you and I—were created through Him and for Him (Colossians 1:16).

And both the Old and New Testaments teach us that our primary focus, the most important commandment given to us, is this: “Love the Lord your God with  all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength” (Deuteronomy 6:5, Mark 12:30).

That means we give God priority. We give Him control. He calls the shots. We surrender to Someone bigger than ourselves.

Henri Nouwen wrote about “an enormously radical attitude toward life.”

He said such a life “is trusting that something will happen to us that is far beyond our own imaginings.

“It is giving up control over our future and letting God define our life. . . .

“The spiritual life is a life in which we wait, actively present in the moment, expecting that new things will happen to us, new things that are far beyond our own imagination or prediction.

“That, indeed, is a very radical stance toward life in a world preoccupied with control.” (The Path of Waiting, Henri Nouwen)

Yes, our world, and our individual and collective lives are preoccupied with control.

Looking back now, I recognize that in being confined to our tent at night in the wilds of Kenya, and in having neither a vehicle nor roads, God was offering us a lesson, a learning opportunity: Experiencing new circumstances in which we must give up control can teach us how, on a deeper level, to give up appropriate control to God.

And I see now that in the restrictions placed upon us during the coronavirus pandemic, God is offering us another learning opportunity: Experiencing this unfamiliar stay-at-home lifestyle and letting go of many things we used to control can teach us how, on a deeper level, to give up appropriate control to God.

“a very radical stance toward life
in a world preoccupied with control.”

That’s what he meant about
giving up control over our future
and letting God define our life.”

God offers us ways to practice
surrendering to something bigger than ourselves—
surrendering to Him.
Each lesson we learn offers us opportunities
to give more and more control to Him,
trusting Him and loving Him with all our hearts,
souls, minds, and strength.
(Mark 12:30)






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